She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
