Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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