I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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