Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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