I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
