Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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