The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
