Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im six kinds of drunk right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
