MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!