This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT