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I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
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