I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
