morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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