I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
