You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
