Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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