shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
