the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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