It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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