just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
