Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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