Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
