Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
