did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
