I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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