I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.