i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
