Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Be still, my beating vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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