When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
