I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
