Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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