a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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