Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm