Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize