Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.