i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money