she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....