You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.