apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.