Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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