so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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