I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
