I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
