Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you inspire me to be a worse person
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
