He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
