wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
