and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
