I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
