your room smells of hookers.
And success
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
