My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
