I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
