Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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