How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
