He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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