I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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