I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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