I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
