chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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