yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize