even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
