I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
