Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
