He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
