he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
