Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
