Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
