Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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