You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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