I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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