i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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