Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
