brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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