wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
