You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
