She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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