You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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