you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
