Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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