it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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