Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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