just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
