Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
